Waiting room

Living in a waiting room

nothing lasts more than a few seconds

being in transit is the only constant

people, loves, fears, come and go

some times I wish them to stay a little longer but that isn't possible

waiting rooms also have rules

there are not farewells, there are not welcoming parties

there is only ambiguity

this vacuum full of juxtaposed forces and feelings

Now that the time of departure is almost here ...  again

I am afraid of leaving

my bare feet are hanging upon the floor

unsure of the path to follow

I am leaving or I am going back?

Pessoa's verses are in my head

speaking to me

hunting me

warning me???

Partir!
Nunca Voltarei
nunca voltarei porque nunca se volta.
O Lugar a que se volta é sempre outro,
A gare a que se volta é outra.
Já nao está a mesma gente, nem a mesma luz, nem a mesma filosofia.
Partir! Meu Deus, partir! Tenho medo de partir!... 

Fernando Pessoa

Diasporic

'How can I Accept  a limited definable self  when I feel, in me,  all possibilities?'

Anais Nïn 

I love the sound of the word
I say it aloud DIASPORIC
and the image of a dandelion
blowed in the wind comes to my mind,
thats how I feel most of the time
blowed in the wind
hanging in the air
without roots...
under the mercy of the changes of
the weather and the times

Some days I wonder if I live in a country
made of internal diasporas
of displaced souls as my soul
I don't know the answer
I only know that we are a mixture
made of forgotten memories
made of official stories and untold histories
I know I am not white, not yellow, not black, not red
I am a mestiza
I know so little and I wonder so much

Love letter

I am decided to dance

on the streets or on the table

in my pyjamas or in my tango shoes

no matter where or when,

dance with all my body and soul

my life is changing so fast

I am loosing my bearings at every second

but maybe if I dance all the way through

just trying to feel the rhythm

maybe if I flow with the beat...

I may be able to make sense of these

moody days, of all this new feelings

of all this love and blueness..

I am decided to dance

no matter the rhythm life is playing

no matter the place or the time

because while dancing I feel alive

I even love myself when I am dancing

I can take my imperfections and enjoy the little beauty on me (with my extra pounds and curly hair)

Some times I miss my dancing partners

all this amazing people that have touched me in unspeakable ways

people I love and care about

or people I will love to have the time to know a little better

but who is dancing on a different realm

this is a love letter for my dancing partners

the ones I haven't seen in years

the ones who ripped my heart into pieces

the ones that have been always there no matter distance and time

the unconditional ones

the ones I have hurt sometimes without noticing

the ones that have passed like shooting starts

the ones with whom I want to dance with but... 

they don't want to dance with me

this is a love letter for you all
thanks for giving me the pleasure of dancing with YOU