Roller Coaster

Trotted around
like a ball of string under a cat's claw
Up and down and UP again
the streets feel like a giant trampoline under my feet
I have lost all steadiness

roll roll roll

I raise my arms, close my eyes
and let everything go
there are so many things I can't control
the only thing I can do
is enjoy the ride

growing up

According to stats I am an adult...
but according to my bank account,
my employment status,
my inability to afford a car or get a mortgage
my difficulties to cope with the 'real world'
(whichever that means)
I am not an adult, neither a teenager
maybe a thirty something
who has lived most of the time from one life crisis to another

But I don't want to be a 'normal' adult
I don't want to spend the rest of my life paying a house I can barely afford
I don't want a fancy car because I love my bike
and if we speak about 'reality'
well... who can define it?
Maybe the most exciting part of being an adult
is being in a constant identity, age, values crisis
or maybe it is the adrenaline rush of uncertainty
and the discovery...
not of new lands but of possibilities

I am still amazed by the nature of light

Fieldwork basics

Decisions

Building a home is a lot
about making decisions...
the color of the walls and the curtains
the number of wine glasses in the kitchen cabinets
the brand of coffee you are going to drink every morning
and how dark you want it
marmalade or honey on toast?

who is going to be invited in?
where to place the lamps, the sofa, the bed
who you want with you in your bed

for me it is also about finding my own voice...

my particular way of looking at the world
it is about discovering on the way
the kind of feminist I am and I want to be

it is about traveling
but this time I am not going around
from one city to another
with a 15 kilos backpack

Maybe thats why it has been so difficult
start making decisions, I am avoiding  them
I am afraid of staying in the same place for too long
I am afraid of becoming a marble statue
looking at life passing through
my blind eyes