...in my own skin?

I know, I know...
Talking about women and body image can be considered a feminist cliché
furthermore, being confy in her own skin has different meanings for each woman
even today, for me it is difficult to speak about my body.

I don't know if I am finally comfortable in my own skin
some days I think I am...
other days I eat a piece of chocolate feeling terribly guilty...
looking at the mirror reflection with horror

I have read loads of feminist theory on women and the body
thus I can theorise to some extent my body image troubles
But then I wonder, do I really have a trouble?
Well it seems I have...
every-time I go out someone is trying to sell me something to help me to be a 'normal' woman
A girlde to hide all the 'extra-flesh', push up my bottom and make my boobs look bigger;
creams, milkshakes, massages, and miracle mud will help me to lose weight;
the newspaper's health section is full of articles about dieting and body makeover, more appropriate for a beauty clinic's publicity leaflet than for the 'women's issues' section.

Some times I have wondered if all this women's body incarceration is related with the armed conflict and the militarisation of everyday life that is going on in the country.
In the Colombian conflict women's bodies are not only used as 'comfort for the warriors', they are also objects that can be disposed, bough, raped, killed, dismembered... territories to be conquered, controlled, transformed (through cosmetic surgery, creams or girdles).
It isn't by chance that all the armed groups had used sexual violence against Colombian women and girls systematically as weapon of war (Different women's and feminist organisations have denounced it. For instance, last week the Mesa Mujer y Conflicto Armado launched the 10th report on Sociopolitical violence against women and girls in Colombia http://www.mujeryconflictoarmado.org).

I may be wrong...
but I really think that this overcontrol of women bodies... on the telly, the newspapers, the radio, the magazines, everyday street's advertising... is closely related with the armed conflict and the militarisation of the country.
I can't compare myself with the women and girls that have been victims of sexual violence (perpetrated by the guerillas, the paramilitaries, drug-dealers, and the army), and are still longing for justice, too afraid to denounce their attackers, or to speak about their experience, because they are fearful of retaliation and public 'shame'.
But I can say that I have experienced in my own skin how the image of women's bodies as objects of little value is fostered by the armed conflict, the narco-culture, and the militarisation of Colombia's everyday life.
I know, I know
Body image, armed conflict and sexual violence
what a cliché!!!